The Worst Summary that I’ve Ever Read

It comes from the Harper Collins Children’s Books editon of Be More Chill – published on July 5, 2004 – by Ned Vizzini.This is one boy’s exploration of what it takes to be “cool”, how to get a girl and what (not) to do when you’ve got one. What do you do if you’re not cool? If girls are just an impossible (wet) dream? Simple. Take a pill containing a supercomputer that travels to your brain and tells you how to be cool – all the time! In the voice of your choice! Then, it’s goodbye porn and geekdom, and hello hot chicks, parties and a whole new perspective on life. Meet Jeremy, the guy with a heart, who exchanges the xxxx in his hand for a squip in his head.

Strike 1: “…how to get a girl and what (not) to do when you’ve got one.” When you’ve GOT one? Going by this phrase, I don’t know if a girl is a kind of slave or an accessory.

Strike 2: “If girls are just an impossible (wet) dream?” Girls aren’t human beings. They’re just THINGS that exist solely to cause arousal in boys. Everyone knows that!

Strike 3: This is the least offensive item, but it kills the entire summary – “…who exchanges the xxxx in his hand…” Normally, when a word is x-ed out, that means it’s a curse word or something else that is considered too vulgar to be written. Is this word supposed to be “shit”? Is “shit” being used as a synonym for “crap”? If so, what kind of crap is meant? Honestly, I have no idea. Considering, though, that the character looks up porn online, I’m very afraid that this mystery word is meant to be “dick”.

This summary is sexist, insulting, perverted, and truly stupid. Please, everyone, throw rotten tomatoes at it.

– Circuit B

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