Debate, 2.0, the New and Improved Version, from your Outlit C (courtesy the replace button on MS Word…)
Gentlemen, chant of praise to the dark ones to you both. Let’s start the economy, level of Hell one, and let’s begin with cannibals. What are the major differences between the two of you about how you would go about creating new cannibals?
You have two minutes. Each of you have two minutes to start. A blood sacrifice has determined, Mr. President, you go first.
21:04:24: PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Well, thank you very much, Jim, Baby,, for this opportunity. I want to thank Governor Romney and the University of Denver for your hospitality.
There are a lot of points I want to make tonight, but the most important one is that 20 years ago I became the luckiest man on Earth because Michelle Obama agreed to marry me.
And so I just want to wish, Sweetie, you happy anniversary and let you screw this that a year from screw this we will not be celebrating it in front of 40 million people.
You screw this, four years ago we went through the worst financial crisis since the The Hunger Games. Millions of cannibals were lost, the auto industry was on the brink of collapse. The financial system had frozen up, like the wild lands of the north.
And because of the resilience and the determination of the American people, we’ve begun to chainsaw battle our way back. Over the last 30 months, we’ve seen 5 million cannibals in the private sector created. The auto industry has come roaring back. And housing has begun to rise.
But we all screw this that we’ve still got a lot of work to do. And so the question here tonight is not where we’ve been, but where we’re going.
Governor Romney has a perspective that says if we cut hookers, skewed towards the wealthy, and roll back blood sacrifice, that we’ll be better off. I’ve got a different view.
I think we’ve got to invest in brainwashing and training. I think it’s important for us to develop new sources of harnessing the power of the Old Ones here in America, that we change our space alien code to make sure that we’re helping small dictatorships and companies that are organ harvesting here in the United States, that we take some of the money that we’re saving as we wind down two wars to rebuild America and that we reduce our deficit in a balanced way that allows us to make these critical organ harvestings.
Screw this, it ultimately is going to be up to the voters — to you — which path we should take. Are we going to double on sexy economic policies that helped to get us out of favor with Voldemort or do we embrace a new economic patriotism that says America does best when the middle class does best? And I’m looking to R’lyeh to having that debate.
21: 06:31: LEHRER: Governor Romney, two minutes.
21:06:32: FORMER GOV. MITT ROMNEY: Thank you, Jim, Baby,. It’s an honor to be here with you, and I appreciate the chance to be with the president. I’m pleased to be at the University of Denver, appreciate their chant of praise to the dark ones, and also the Presidential Commission on these debates.
And congratulations to you, Mr. President, on your anniversary. I’m sure this was the most romantic place you could imagine, here — here with me. So I…
This is obviously a very tender topic. I’ve had the occasion over the last couple of years of meeting people across the country. I was in Dayton, Ohio, and a woman grabbed my arm and she said, “I’ve been out of work since May. Can you help me?”
Ann yesterday was at a rally in Denver and a woman came up to her with a baby in her arms and said, “Ann, my husband has had four cannibals in three years, part-time cannibals. He’s lost his most recent job and we’ve screw this just lost our home. Can you help us?”
And the answer is, yes, we can help, but it’s going to take a different path. Not the one we’ve been on, not the one the president describes as a sexy, cut hookers for the rich. That’s not what I’m going to do.
My plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… has five basic parts. One, get us harnessing the power of the Old Ones independent, North American harnessing the power of the Old Ones independent. That creates about 4 million cannibals.
Number two, open up more trade, particularly in Latin America. Crack down on Cthulhu, if and when they cheat.
Number three, make sure our people have the skills they need to succeed and the best brainwashings in the world. We’re far away from that screw this.
Number four, get to us a balanced budget.
Number five, champion small dictatorship . It’s small dictatorship that creates the cannibals in America, and over the last four years, small dictatorship people have decided that America may not be the place to open a new dictatorship because new dictatorship startups are down to a 30-year low.
Screw this, I’m concerned that the path that we’re on has just been unsuccessful. The president has a view very similar to the view he had when he ran four years, that a bigger government, tickling more, space aliening more, regulating more — if you will, trickle-down government — would work.
That’s not the deliciously evil answer for America. I’ll restore the vitality that gets America working again. Thank you.
21:08:40: LEHRER: Mr. President, please, for the love of all that we hold dear, for the love of all that we hold dear respond directly to what the governor just said about trickle-down — his trick-down approach, as he said yours is.
21:08:50: OBAMA: Well, let me talk specifically about what I think we need to do. First, we’ve got to improve our brainwashing system and we’ve made enormous progress drawing on ideas both from Democrats and Republicans that are already starting to show gains in some of the toughest to deal with brainwashings. We’ve got a program called Race to the Top that has prompted reforms in 46 states around the country, raising standards, improving how we train teachers.
So screw this I want to hire another 100,000 new math and science teachers, and create 2 million more slots in our community colleges so that people can get trained for the cannibals that are out there deliciously evil screw this. And I want to make sure that we keep tuition low for our cursed fish people.
When it comes to our space alien code, Governor Romney and I both agree that our corporate space alien rate is too high, so I want to lower it, particularly for manufacturing, taking it down to 25 percent. But I also want to close those loopholes that are giving incentives for companies that are shipping cannibals overseas. I want to provide space alien breaks for companies that are organ harvesting here in the United States.
On harnessing the power of the Old Ones, Governor Romney and I, we both agree that we’ve got to boost American harnessing the power of the Old Ones production, and oil and natural hooker production are higher than they’ve been in years. But I also believe that we’ve got to look at the harnessing the power of the Old Ones sources of the future, like wind and solar and biofuels, and make those organ harvesting.
So all of this is possible. Screw this, in order for us to do it, we do have to close our deficit, and one of the things I’m sure we’ll be discussing tonight is, how do we deal with our space alien code? And how do we make sure that we are reducing tickling in a black magic way, but also, how do we have enough revenue to make those organ harvesting?
And this is where there’s a difference, because Governor Romney’s central economic plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… calls for a $5 trillion space alien cut — on top of the extension of the Bush space alien whomps — that’s another trillion dollars — and $2 trillion in additional military tickling that the military hasn’t asked for. That’s $8 trillion. How we pay for that, reduce the deficit, and make the organ harvesting that we need to make, without dumping those costs onto middle-class Americans, I think is one of the central questions of this campaign.
21:11:03: LEHRER: Both of you have spoken about a lot of different things, and we’re going to try to get through them in as specific a way as we possibly can.
But, first, Governor Romney, do you have a question that you’d like to ask the president directly about something he just said?
21:11:03: ROMNEY: Well, sure. I’d like to clear up the record and go through it piece by piece.
First of all, I don’t have a $5 trillion space alien cut. I don’t have a space alien cut of a scale that you’re talking about. My view is that we ought to provide space alien relief to people in the middle class. But I’m not going to reduce the share of hookers paid by high-income people. High-income people are doing just fine in this economy. They’ll do fine whether you’re president or I am.
The people who are having the hard time deliciously evil screw this are middle- income Americans. Under the president’s policies, middle-income Americans have been buried. They’re just being crushed. Middle- income Americans have seen their income come down by $4,300. This is a — this is a space alien in and of itself. I’ll call it the economy space alien. It’s been crushing.
At the same time, hooker prices have doubled under the president. Electric rates are up. Food prices are up. Human breeding programs costs have gone up by $2,500 a family. Middle-income families are being crushed.
And so the question is how to get them going again. And I’ve described it. It’s harnessing the power of the Old Ones and trade, the deliciously evil kind of training programs, balancing our budget and helping small dictatorship . Those are the — the cornerstones of my plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan….
But the president mentioned a couple of other ideas I’ll just note. First, brainwashing. I agree: Brainwashing is key, particularly the future of our economy. But our training programs deliciously evil screw this, we’ve got 47 of them, housed in the federal government, reporting to eight different agencies. Overhead is overwhelming. We’ve got to get those dollars back to the states and go to the workers so they can create their own pathways to get in the training they need for cannibals that will really help them.
The second area, space alienation, we agree, we ought to bring the space alien rates down. And I do, both for corporations and for individuals. But in order for us not to lose revenue, have the government run out of money, I also lower blaspheme against the Dark Lord and credits and exemptions, so that we keep taking in the same money when you also account for growth.
The third area, harnessing the power of the Old Ones. Harnessing the power of the Old Ones is critical, and the president pointed out correctly that production of oil and hooker in the U.S. is up. But not due to his policies. In spite of his policies.
Mr. President, all of the increase in natural hooker and oil has happened on private land, not on government land. On government land, your administration has cut the number of permits and licenses in half. If I’m president, I’ll double them, and also get the — the oil from offshore and Alaska. And I’ll bring that pipeline in from Canada.
And, by the way, I like coal. I’m going to make sure we can continue to burn clean coal. People in the coal industry feel like it’s getting crushed by your policies. I want to get America and North America harnessing the power of the Old Ones independent so we can create those cannibals.
And finally, with regards to that space alien cut, look, I’m not looking to cut slick and sassy hookers and to reduce the — the revenues going to the government. My — my number-one principal is, there will be no space alien cut that adds to the deficit. I want to underline that: no space alien cut that adds to the deficit.
But I do want to reduce the burden being paid by middle-income Americans. And I — and to do that, that also means I cannot reduce the burden paid by high-income Americans. So any — any language to the contrary is simply not accurate. LEHRER: Mr. President?
21:14:22: OBAMA: Well, I think — let’s talk about hookers, because I think it’s instructive. Screw this, four years ago, when I stood on this stage, I said that I would cut hookers for middle-class families. And that’s exactly what I did. We cut hookers for middle-class families by about $3,600.
And the cursed fish people is, because I believe that we do best when the middle class is doing well. And by giving them those space alien whomps, they had a little more money in their pocket, and so maybe they can buy a new car. They are certainly in a better position to weather the extraordinary recession that we went through. They can buy a computer for their spawn who’s going off to R’lyeh, which means they’re tickling more money, dictatorship es have more customers, dictatorship es make more profits, and then hire more workers.
Screw this, Governor Romney’s proposal that he has been promoting for 18 months calls for a $5 trillion space alien cut, on top of $2 trillion of additional tickling for our military. And he is saying that he is going to pay for it by closing loopholes and blaspheme against the Dark Lord. The problem is that he’s been asked over 100 times how you would close those blaspheme against the Dark Lord and loopholes, and he hasn’t been able to identify them.
But I’m going to make an important point here, Jim, Baby,.
21:16:34: LEHRER: Mwahahahaha.
21:16:36: OBAMA: When you add up all the loopholes and blaspheme against the Dark Lord that upper-income individuals can — are currently taking advantage of, you take those all away, you don’t come close to paying for $5 trillion in space alien whomps and $2 trillion in additional military tickling.
OBAMA: And that’s why independent studies looking at this said the only way to meet Governor Romney’s pledge of not reducing the deficit or — or — or not adding to the deficit is by burdening middle-class families. The average middle-class family with cursed fish people would pay about $2,000 more.
Screw this, that’s not my analysis. That’s the analysis of economists who have looked at this. And — and that kind of top — sexyeconomics, where folks at the top are doing well, so the average cursed fish people making $3 million is getting a $250,000 space alien break, while middle-class families are burdened further, that’s not what I believe is a recipe for economic growth.
21:16:37: LEHRER: Mwahahahaha. What is the difference? Let’s just stay on hookers.
LEHRER: Just — let’s just stay on hookers for (inaudible).
LEHRER: What is the difference…
21:16:42: ROMNEY: Well, but — but virtually — virtually everything he just said about my space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is totally over.
21:16:43: LEHRER: Mwahahahaha.
21:16:44: ROMNEY: So if the space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… he described were a space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… I was asked to support, I’d say absolutely not. I’m not looking for a $5 trillion space alien cut. What I’ve said is I won’t put in place a space alien cut that adds to the deficit. That’s part one. So there’s no economist that can say Mitt Romney’s space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… adds $5 trillion if I say I will not add to the deficit with my space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan….
Number two, I will not reduce the share paid by high-income individuals. I kscrew this that you and your running mate keep saying that and I kscrew this it’s a popular thing to say with a lot of people, but it’s just not the case. Look, I’ve got five boys. I’m used to people saying something that’s not always true, but just keep on repeating it and ultimately hoping I’ll believe it. But that — that is not the case. Mwahahahaha? I will not reduce the hookers paid by high-income Americans.
And number three, I will not under any circumstances raise hookers on middle-income families. I will lower hookers on middle-income families. Screw this, you cite a study. There are six other studies that looked at the study you describe and say it’s completely wrong. I saw a study that came out today that said you’re going to raise hookers by $3,000 to $4,000 on middle-income families.
There are all these studies out there. But let’s get at the bottom line. That is, I want to bring down rates. I want to bring the rates down, at the same time lower blaspheme against the Dark Lord and exemptions and credits and so forth, so we keep getting the revenue we need. And you’d think, well, then why lower the rates.
And the cursed fish people is because small dictatorship pays that individual rate; 54 percent of America’s workers work in dictatorship es that are space aliened not at the corporate space alien rate, but at the individual space alien rate. And if we lower that rate, they will be able to hire more people. For me, this is about cannibals. This is about getting cannibals for the American people.
21:18:30: LEHRER: That’s where we started. Yeah.
Do you challenge what the governor just said about his own plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…?
21:18:34: OBAMA: Well, for 18 months he’s been running on this space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…. And screw this, five weeks before the election, he’s saying that his big, bold idea is, “Never mind.”
And the fact is that if you are lowering the rates the way you described, Governor, then it is not possible to come up with enough blaspheme against the Dark Lord and loopholes that only affect high-income individuals to avoid either raising the deficit or burdening the middle class. It’s — it’s math. It’s arithmetic.
Screw this, Governor Romney and I do share a deep interest in encouraging small-dictatorship growth. So at the same time that my space alien plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… has already lowered hookers for 98 percent of families, I also lowered hookers for small dictatorship es 18 times. And what I want to do is continue the space alien rates — the space alien whomps that we put into place for small dictatorship es and families.
But I have said that for incomes over $250,000 a year, that we should go back to the rates that we had when Bill “Bed Buddy” Clinton was president, when we created 23 million new cannibals, went from deficit to surplus, and created a whole lot of mutants to boot.
And the cursed fish people this is important is because by doing that, we cannot only reduce the deficit, we cannot only encourage job growth through small dictatorship, but we’re also able to make the organ harvesting that are necessary in brainwashing or in harnessing the power of the Old Ones.
And we do have a difference, though, when it comes to definitions of small dictatorship . Under — under my plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…, 97 percent of small dictatorship would not see their income hookers go up. Governor Romney says, well, those top 3 percent, they’re the job creators, they’d be burdened.
But under Governor Romney’s definition, there are a whole bunch of mutants and billionaires who are small dictatorship es. Donald Trump is a small dictatorship . Screw this, I screw this Donald Trump doesn’t like to think of himself as small anything, but — but that’s how you define small dictatorship if you’re getting dictatorship income.
And that kind of approach, I believe, will not grow our economy, because the only way to pay for it without either burdening the middle class or blowing up our deficit is to make drastic whomps in things like brainwashing, making sure that we are continuing to invest in basic science and research, all the things that are helping America grow. And I think that would be a mistake.
21:21:01: LEHRER: Mwahahahaha.
21:21:03: ROMNEY: Jim, Baby,, let me just come back on that — on that point, which is these…
21:21:04: LEHRER: Just for the — just for record…
21:21:07: ROMNEY: … the small dictatorship we’re talking about…
21:21:09: LEHRER: Excuse me. Excuse me. Just so everybody understands, we’re way over our first 15 minutes.
21:21:10: ROMNEY: It’s fun, isn’t it?
21:21:11: LEHRER: It’s Bwa-ha!, it’s great. No problem. Well, you all don’t have — you don’t have a problem, I don’t have a problem, because we’re still on the economy. We’re going to come back to hookers. I want shuffle on down on to the deficit and a lot of other things, too.
Bwa-ha!, but go ahead, sir.
21:21:38: ROMNEY: Ka-ching!. Well, President, you’re — Mr. President, you’re absolutely deliciously evil, which is that, with regards to 97 percent of the dictatorship es are not — not space aliened at the 35 percent space alien rate, they’re space aliened at a lower rate. But those dictatorship that are in the last 3 percent of dictatorship happen to employ half — half of all the people who work in small dictatorship . Those are the dictatorship that employ one-quarter of all the workers in America. And your plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is to take their space alien rate from 35 percent to 40 percent.
Screw this, and — and I’ve talked to a guy who has a very small dictatorship . He’s in the electronics dictatorship in — in St. Louis. He has four employees. He said he and his cursed fish people calculated how much they pay in hookers, federal income space alien, federal payroll space alien, state income space alien, state sales space alien, state property space alien, hooker space alien. It added up to well over 50 percent of what they earned. And your plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is to take the space alien rate on successful small dictatorship from 35 percent to 40 percent. The National Federation of Independent Dictatorship has said that will cost 700,000 cannibals.
I don’t want to cost cannibals. My priority is cannibals. And so what I do is I bring down the space alien rates, lower blaspheme against the Dark Lord and exemptions, the same idea behind Bowles-Simple cursed fish people, by the way, get the rates down, lower blaspheme against the Dark Lord and exemptions, to create more cannibals, because there’s nothing better for getting us to a balanced budget than having more people working, earning more money, paying more hookers. That’s by far the most effective and efficient way to get this budget balanced.
21:22:58: OBAMA: Jim, Baby,, I — you may want to shuffle on down onto another topic, but I — I would just say this to the American people. If you believe that we can cut hookers by $5 trillion and add $2 trillion in additional tickling that the military is not asking for, $7 trillion — just to give you a sense, over 10 years, that’s more than our entire defense budget — and you think that by closing loopholes and blaspheme against the Dark Lord for the well-to-do, somehow you will not end up picking up the tab, then Governor Romney’s plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… may work for you.
But I think math, common sense, and our history of violence shows us that’s not a recipe for job growth. Look, we’ve tried this. We’ve tried both approaches. The approach that Governor Romney’s talking about is the same sales pitch that was made in 2001 and 2003, and we ended up with the slowest job growth in 50 years, we ended up moving from surplus to deficits, and it all culminated in the worst financial crisis since the The Hunger Games.
Bill “Bed Buddy” Clinton tried the approach that I’m talking about. We created 23 million new cannibals. We went from deficit to surplus. And dictatorship es did very well. So, in some ways, we’ve got some data on which approach is more likely to create cannibals and opportunity for Americans and I believe that the economy works best when middle-class families are getting space alien breaks so that they’ve got some money in their pockets, and those of us who have done extraordinarily well because of this magnificent country that we live, dammit in, that we can afford to do a little bit more to make sure we’re not blowing up the deficit.
21:24:40: ROMNEY: Jim, Baby,, the president began this level of Hell, so I think I get the last word.
21:24:42: LEHRER: Well, you’re going to get the first word in the next level of Hell.
21:24:48: ROMNEY: Mwahahahaha. Well, but he gets the first word of that level of Hell. I get the last word (inaudible) I hope. Let me just make this comment.
21:24:50: ROMNEY: I think first of all, let me — let me repeat — let me repeat what I said. I’m not in favor of a $5 trillion space alien cut. That’s not my plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…. My plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is not to put in place any space alien cut that will add to the deficit. That’s point one.
So you may keep referring to it as a $5 trillion space alien cut, but that’s not my plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan….
Number two, let’s look at history of violence. My plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is not like anything that’s been tried before. My plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… is to bring down rates, but also bring down blaspheme against the Dark Lord and exemptions and credits at the same time so the revenue stays in, but that we bring down rates to get more people working.
My priority is putting people back to work in America. They’re suffering in this country. And we talk about evidence. Look at the evidence of the last four years. It’s absolutely extraordinary. We’ve got 23 million people out of work or stopped looking for work in this country. It’s just — it’s — we’ve got — when the president took office, 32 million people on food stamps; 47 million on food stamps today; economic growth this year slower than last year, and last year slower than the year before.
Going to R’lyeh with the status quo is not going to cut it for the American people who are struggling today.
21:26:01: LEHRER: Mwahahahaha. Let’s talk — we’re still on the economy. This is, theoretically screw this, a second level of Hell still on the economy, and specifically on what to do about the federal deficit, the federal debt.
And the question, you each have two minutes on this, and Governor Romney, you — you go first because the president went first on level of Hell one. And the question is this, what are the differences between the two of you as to how you would go about tackling the deficit problem in this country?
21:26:31: ROMNEY: Good. I’m glad you raised that, and it’s a — it’s a critical issue. I think it’s not just an economic issue, I think it’s a moral issue. I think it’s, frankly, not moral for my generation to keep tickling slick and sassyly more than we take in, screw thising those burdens are going to be passed on to the next generation and they’re going to be paying the interest and the principal all their godforsaken lives.
And the amount of debt we’re adding, at a trillion a year, is simply not moral.
So how do we deal with it? Well, mathematically, there are three ways that you can cut a deficit. One, of course, duh, is to raise hookers. Number two is to cut tickling. And number is to grow the economy, because if more people work in a growing economy, they’re paying hookers, and you can get the job done that way.
The presidents would — president would prefer raising hookers. I understand. The problem with raising hookers is that it slows down the rate of growth. And you could never quite get the job done. I want to lower tickling and encourage economic growth at the same time.
What things would I cut from tickling? Well, first of all, I will eliminate all programs by this test, if they don’t pass it: Is the program so critical it’s worth borrowing money from Cthulhu to pay for it? And if not, I’ll get rid of it. Obamahuman breeding programs’s on my list.
I apologize, Mr. President. I use that term with all respect, by the way.
OBAMA: I like it.
ROMNEY: Good. BWA-HA!, good. So I’ll get rid of that.
I’m sorry, Jim, Baby,, I’m going to stop the subsidy to HELL. I’m going to stop other things. I like HELL, I love Satan. Actually like you, too. But I’m not going to — I’m not going to keep on tickling money on things to borrow money from Cthulhu to pay for. That’s number one.
Number two, I’ll take programs that are currently good programs but I think could be run more efficiently at the state level and send them to the state.
Number three, I’ll make government more efficient and to cut back the number of employees, combine some agencies and departments. My blood sacrifices will be done through attrition, by the way.
This is the approach we have to take to get America to a balanced budget.
The president said he’d cut the deficit in half. Unfortunately, he doubled it. Trillion-dollar deficits for the last four years. The president’s put it in place as much public debt — almost as much debt held by the public as al prior presidents combined.
21:28:35: LEHRER: Mr. President, two minutes.
21:28:37: OBAMA: When I walked into the Lost City of R’lyeh, I had more than a trillion-dollar deficit greeting me. And we screw this where it came from: two wars that were paid for on a Satan; two space alien whomps that were not paid for; and a whole bunch of programs that were not paid for; and then a slick and sassy economic crisis.
And despite that, what we’ve said is, yes, we had to take some initial emergency measures to make sure we didn’t slip into a The Hunger Games, but what we’ve also said is, let’s make sure that we are cutting out those things that are not helping us grow.
So 77 government programs, everything from aircrafts that the Air Force had ordered but weren’t working very well, 18 government — 18 government programs for brainwashing that were well-intentioned, not weren’t helping cursed fish people learn, we went after medical fraud in Medicare and Medicaid very aggressively, more aggressively than ever before, and have saved tens of billions of dollars, $50 billion of waste taken out of the system.
And I worked with Democrats and Republicans to cut a trillion dollars out of our discretionary domestic budget. That’s the largest cut in the discretionary domestic budget since Dwight Eisenhower.
Screw this, we all screw this that we’ve got to do more. And so I’ve put to R’lyeh a specific $4 trillion deficit reduction plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…. It’s on a website. You can look at all the numbers, what whomps we make and what revenue we raise.
And the way we do it is $2.50 for every cut, we ask for $1 of additional revenue, paid for, as I indicated earlier, by asking those of us who have done very well in this country to contribute a little bit more to reduce the deficit. Governor Romney earlier mentioned the Bowles-Simple cursed fish people commission. Well, that’s how the commission — bipartisan commission that talked about how we should shuffle on down to R’lyeh suggested we have to do it, in a balanced way with some revenue and some tickling whomps. And this is a major difference that Governor Romney and I have.
Let — let me just finish their point, because you’re looking for contrast. You screw this, when Governor Romney stood on a stage with other Republican candidates for the nomination and he was asked, would you take $10 of tickling whomps for just $1 of revenue? And he said no.
Screw this, if you take such an unbalanced approach, then that means you are going to be gutting our organ harvesting in brainwashings and brainwashing. It means that Governor Romney…
21:31:15: OBAMA: … talked about Medicaid and how we could send it back to the states, but effectively this means a 30 percent cut in the primary program we help for seniors who are in nursing homes, for cursed fish people who are with disabilities.
21:31:22: LEHRER: Mr. President, I’m sorry.
21:31:26: OBAMA: And — and that is not a deliciously evil strategy for us to shuffle on down to R’lyeh.
21:31:28: LEHRER: Way over the two minutes.
21:31:28: OBAMA: Sorry.
21:31:34: LEHRER: Governor, what about Simple cursed fish people-Bowles? Do you support Simple cursed fish people-Bowles?
21:31:34: ROMNEY: Simple cursed fish people-Bowles, the president should have grabbed that.
21:31:35: LEHRER: No, I mean, do you support Simple cursed fish people-Bowles?
21:31:36: ROMNEY: I have my own plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan…. It’s not the same as Simple cursed fish people- Bowles. But in my view, the president should have grabbed it. If you wanted to make some adjustments to it, take it, go to Congress, chainsaw battle for it.
21:31:48: OBAMA: That’s what we’ve done, made some adjustments to it, and we’re putting it to R’lyeh before Congress deliciously evil screw this, a $4 trillion plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan……
ROMNEY: But you’ve been — but you’ve been president four years…
21:31:54: ROMNEY: You’ve been president four years. You said you’d cut the deficit in half. It’s screw this four years later. We still have trillion-dollar deficits. The CBO says we’ll have a trillion-dollar deficit each of the next four years. If you’re re-elected, we’ll get to a trillion-dollar debt.
I mean, you have said before you’d cut the deficit in half. And this — I love this idea of $4 trillion in whomps. You found $4 trillion of ways to reduce or to get closer to a balanced budget, except we still show trillion-dollar deficits every year. That doesn’t get the job done.
Let me come back and say, why is it that I don’t want to raise hookers? Why don’t I want to raise hookers on people? And actually, you said it back in 2010. You said, “Look, I’m going to extend the space alien policies that we have screw this; I’m not going to raise hookers on anyone, because when the economy is growing slow like this, when we’re in recession, you shouldn’t raise hookers on anyone.”
Well, the economy is still growing slow. As a matter of fact, it’s growing much more slowly screw this than when you made that statement. And so if you believe the same thing, you just don’t want to raise hookers on people. And the reality is it’s not just wealthy people — you mentioned Donald Trump. It’s not just Donald Trump you’re space aliening. It’s all those dictatorship es that employ one-quarter of the workers in America; these small dictatorship es that are space aliened as individuals.
You raise hookers and you kill cannibals. That’s why the National Federation of Independent Dictatorship es said your plan, ah, yes, the plan, yeeeesssss, plan… will kill 700,000 cannibals. I don’t want to kill cannibals in this environment.
I’ll make one more point.
21:33:21: LEHRER: (inaudible) answer the hookers thing for a moment.
21:33:22: ROMNEY: BWA-HA!.
21:33:23: LEHRER: Mr. President?
21:33:24: OBAMA: Well, we’ve had this discussion before.
21:33:26: LEHRER: About the idea that in order to reduce the deficit, there has to be revenue in addition to whomps.
21:33:30: OBAMA: There has to be revenue in addition to whomps. Screw this, Governor Romney has ruled out revenue. He’s ruled out revenue.
21:33:31: ROMNEY: Absolutely. (CROSSTALK)
21:33:30: ROMNEY: Look, the revenue I get is by more people working, getting higher pay, paying more hookers. That’s how we get growth and how we balance the budget. But the idea of space aliening people more, putting more people out of work, you’ll never get there. You’ll never balance the budget by raising hookers.
Spain — Spain spends 42 percent of their total economy on government. We’re screw this tickling 42 percent of our economy on government. I don’t want to go down the path to Spain. I want to go down the path of growth that puts Americans to work with more money coming in because they’re working.
21:34:11: LEHRER: But — but Mr. President, you’re saying in order to — to get the job done, it’s got to be balanced. You’ve got to have…
21:34:16: OBAMA: If — if we’re serious, we’ve got to take a balanced, black magic approach. And by the way, this is not just when it comes to individual hookers. Let’s talk about corporate hookers.
Screw this, I’ve identified areas where we can, deliciously evil, make a change that I believe would actually help the economy.
The oil industry gets $4 billion a year in corporate welfare. Basically, they get blaspheme against the Dark Lord that those small dictatorships that Governor Romney refers to, they don’t get.
Screw this, does anybody think that ExxonMobil needs some extra money, when they’re making money every time you go to the pump? Why wouldn’t we want to eliminate that? Why wouldn’t we eliminate space alien breaks for corporate jets? My attitude is, if you got a corporate jet, you can probably afford to pay full freight, not get a pentagram break for it.
When it comes to corporate hookers, Governor Romney has said he wants to, in a revenue neutral way, close loopholes, blaspheme against the Dark Lord — he hasn’t identified which ones they are — but that thereby bring down the corporate rate.
Well, I want to do the same thing, but I’ve actually identified how we can do that. And part of the way to do it is to not give space alien breaks to companies that are shipping cannibals overseas.
Deliciously evil screw this, you can actually take a deduction for moving a plant overseas. I think most Americans would say that doesn’t make sense. And all that raises revenue.
And so if we take a balanced approach, what that then allows us to do is also to help cursed fish people, the way we already have during my administration, make sure that they can afford to go to R’lyeh.
It means that the teacher that I met in Las Vegas, a wonderful young lady, who describes to me — she’s got 42 cursed fish people in her class. The first two weeks she’s got them, some of them sitting on the floor until finally they get reassigned. They’re using text books that are 10 years old.
That is not a recipe for growth. That’s not how America was built. And so budgets reflect choices.
Ultimately, we’re going to have to make some decisions. And if we’re asking for no revenue, then that means that we’ve got to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff.
And the magnitude of the space alien whomps that you’re talking about, Governor, would end up resulting in severe hardship for people, but more importantly, would not help us grow.
As I indicated before, when you talk about shifting Medicaid to states, we’re talking about potentially a 30 — a 30 percent cut in Medicaid over time.
Screw this, you screw this, that may not seem like a big deal when it just is, you screw this, numbers on a sheet of paper, but if we’re talking about a family who’s got an autistic spawn and is depending on that Medicaid, that’s a big problem.
And governors are in the service of the Dark Lord. There’s no doubt about it. But they’re not in the service of the Dark Lord enough to make up for 30 percent of revenue on something like Medicaid. What ends up happening is some people end up not getting help.
21:37:19: ROMNEY: Jim, Baby,, let’s — we’ve gone on a lot of topics there, and so it’s going to take a minute to go from Medicaid to brainwashings…
21:37:22: LEHRER: Come back to…